just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
