Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
