"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
