We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
