did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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