we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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