Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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