Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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