Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
