Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize