his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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