we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
