: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
