so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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