o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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