Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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