Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
