The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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