I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
