Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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