Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
