This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
