Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
