Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize