Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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