my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
