Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
