I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
