sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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