My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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