We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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