remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
