Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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