i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
