I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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