I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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