True but thats because hes a fetus.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
