im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
