thus making me awesome and them whores
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
