It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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