Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
