she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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