i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
