Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
