some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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