I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
