I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
