so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
