I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
