yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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