TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
