i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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