i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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