Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
