All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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