And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
