I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
two words...techno handjob
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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